This will be the first of my many Soju Sagas. For those of you who don't know, Soju is a traditional alcoholic beverage. For those of you that do know, we like to call it the Devil's Piss, or Gary Busey's Tears. Whatever you prefer, this rice concoction is cheap, and very effective, almost too effective. So without further TO do, I give you Episode 1.I must admit, this tale is quite hazy for the following reasons: i.) it was my first night in Seoul, let's estimate 37 days ago, ii.) I had a very empty stomach, iii.) I hadn't slept in 48 hours, and iv.) Soju is Satan incarnate.
As soon as I arrived at my apartment in Incheon, a city about 30 minutes outside of Seoul, I launched my bags to the nearest available corner, got on the horn and called my best friend in Korea (14th best friend in Toronto) Cory. He gave me the worst directions, as he usually does, but hey, in a country where everything to me looked like the alphabet was created by a blind, deaf, mute, and very sensitive chicken, Cory is the best thing I had...and still have!
After much searching the streets of Itaewon (a notorious foreigner district) under dark and rainy skies, I finally stumble upon Cory. One must keep in mind that Cory is a very eccentric young man, so to see him wearing nothing but a toga while holding a conversation with another young man brandishing a Stetson was no surprise to me, and thankfully for his sake and the sake of his cowboy friend, it was Halloween. After Cory and I exchanged our hellos, tears of joy, and nipple rubbing, we strolled over to a party he knew about. Upon arriving at the party, I observed there was no food. Just a side note here, I'm a big boy, and I need my food, especially after a 20+ hour flight, a previous night of drunken debauchery, and zero sleep, one could become very perturbed. Cory introduced me to all his nice foreigner friends, I did not retain any of their names, and to this day after numerous meetings I still don't, but that's besides the point! The point is, I was famished. I kept asking Cory for some food but all he kept passing me was Soju. Finally we make our way outside, bellies full with liquor and no food. It is at this juncture I lose it, and demand that Cory buy me some damn food. Cory ran across the street, stopping cars, toga flailing in the wind, and disappeared into the convenience store, as I kept watch under a cold, wet, and miserable night. As I leaned against the streetlamp within my nearest proximity, I sat and wondered, "this is Cory we are talking about, he's drunk, yelling, and wearing a goddamn toga. Do you think he will possibly get me any food?" Just as I had finished my thought, Cory comes running out in the same manner as before, but this time his hands are full with not one but two bottles of bloody Soju! We aren't just talking any Soju here, we are talking about Cool Soju, OK? Just look at this shit:
Ya, "Honest" is the best way to describe Beelzebub's Brew. Soju will have words coming out of your mouth that you never thought possible, but in this night's case, it wasn't just words. That my friends is a literary phenomenon called "foreshadowing".After getting halfway through some Cool, Cory took me to a street vendor where I ate deep-fried squid surprise. At this point though, food was food was food!
Long story short, that was pretty much the last thing I remember, well until I realized I was in a night club called Ska, but they spell it Sk@, so in my books that means Skat, which means some poor soul is gonna be shat upon. Look it up! The German's invented it, anything German can't be that bad right? Well, instead of fecal manner exploding in every direction of the dance floor, Cory's friends, and my new acquaintances got acquainted with my vomitus all over their backs, from what I've been told!
Anyways, that was my first adventure is Soju, I've had a few more since then, so please stay tuned.
Doing what I have to do to be me.
Dave P. :)
lmao Dave..thats quite an adventure.
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